I Know
by Solita
Summary: "Why didn't you stop me?" \\ "Because I had a feeling you keep secrets well." \\ (Inuyasha / Sango; Songfic)


  
_// So be it, I'm your crowbar  
If that's what I am so far  
Until you get out of this mess //_  
  
This isn't the first time I've seen him all alone like this.  
  
He's sitting up next to a pond and peering down, searching through his own reflection, his own eyes, to find an answer to a haunting question that scratches through his very soul. His silver hair falls over his beautiful God-like face, an Adonis in pure melancholia. I want to go tell him it is alright and he'll make it through this dillema, but if I do... I'll be going over a boundry. A line that shouldn't be crossed.  
  
Is he destined to always be this sad? This confused and lonely and constantly under the gray, decaying hand of Lady Despair? I wish I could believe it not, but with how dramatic in turmoil his life so far has been, it is completely and utterly impossible. Losing his mother and father, his very own older brother seeking out to kill him because he's only half of a demon and "tainted his father's bloodline," the first woman he loved betrayed him and when he found out it wasn't her she still hates him -- how screwed up can his life get now?  
  
Crap, I think I jinxed it.  
  
But maybe if we get the Shikkon Tama all together again, he can wish for something that will make him happy. If I were him, I would think of a wish that wouldn't have to be dealing with becoming human or demon. I think he's fine the way he is. He's like the middle road between a human and a demon. He's fine as a hanyou. I like him as a hanyou.  
  
It is society that refuses to believe it.  
  
_// And I will pretend  
That I dont know of your sins  
Until you are ready to confess //_  
  
I remember the first time I saw him like this. He had just gotten into a fight with Kagome yet again. I went after him, wanting to comfort him in someway. There had been a glint in his eye as he had been talking to Kagome. The word Kikyo was used back and forth in that argument more than once, if I recall correctly. However, Kagome had said a single sentence that seemed to break the hanyou right in half. I didn't hear it (mainly because I was trying to spy on them), but it had broken him. I think the saying goes it's the straw that broke the camel's back or something like that.  
  
He had said some retort afterwards, but there was no fire in it. Nothing at all. I waited until the others had gone to sleep, wondering if I could get him and I alone to talk. But he did it for me. The young hanyou looked around and checked it everyone was asleep. Quickly and swiftly, he ran away as fast as he could, into the woods where hopefully no one could follow him.  
  
It was a hard time for me to catch up with him, being that I'm human. But I had had enough practice. I eventually found him, by the same lake he was sitting next to yet again. It was a beautiful haven, the full moon in the twilight, illuminated on the water below. His face gave a gorgeous reflection, his features filled with hurt, anger, guilt, hate, and absolute sadness.  
  
And that's when he started to cry.  
  
_// But all the time  
All the time  
I'll know, I'll know //_  
  
He cried softly, probably not even aware he was tearing up a bit. He was probably lost in his thoughts, remembering events that had transpired through his fantasticly dysfunctional life. One tear fell down his cheek, splashing upon the ground. Two more fell down, the second tear landing very near to the lake. He didn't stop, though. They kept coming, splashing upon the ground like a fateful waterfall, creating ripples in the water and feeding the earth and soil his tragedy.  
  
It was simply exquisite looking at him like this. He didn't cry like I did, or other people for that matter. He didn't sob and yell and scream like a banshee all the hell he went through. He kept on staring at himself in the waves of the water, the tear flowing freely down his face, staining everything that they touched.  
  
I couldn't move as he did that. He looked so helpless there, sitting and crying. The shards of the glass that held his dreams together slipped through his very eyes, cutting through his skin and making him bleed away all the blood of his life. He was like a glass doll, and now he was shattered and could never be repaired.  
  
He couldn't and wouldn't let others see him like this. He would keep a facade on, as I had seen the minute after all the shards that held him together stopped pouring out to the world. He looked up to the stars above and sighed heavenly and divinely. It was like he finally gave up something.  
  
The hanyou wouldn't tell a soul, though. Too bad I was there.  
  
_// And you can use my skin  
To bury secrets in  
And I will settle you down //_  
  
And now he's back here. He was sitting here again, all alone once more, crying his tears softly.  
  
This time he found Kagome with Kouga, talking with each other. It was a very deep conversation. I couldn't hear it, but I knew he could. Kouga then kissed her, and that's all it took for the final shard of his being to crack and discintergrate.  
  
He ran away from all of them, the people that were so close to finishing completing the Shikkon jewel. He returned to here, his haven and soon became my own, and began to sit and wait.  
  
And wait.  
  
It came after a period of time slipped by, something that didn't affect the hanyou. The final shard, the final tear of his wasted life, slipped down his face, and hit the water.  
  
Hard.  
  
The ripples crashed against it other, signifying the end of himself and the end of his life drawing near. He couldn't take it anymore. It was over for him. At least, that's what I thought when I saw that final tear hit the ground.  
  
The ripples kept on going, the light from the moon shimmering with the crash of the despair. The hanyou had enough. But still, he was sad. It was written all over his face.  
  
I could do nothing but stare.  
  
_// And at my own suggestion  
I will ask no questions  
While I do my thing in the background //_  
  
Here I am, having watched this poor hanyou go through all of these tears for so long. I have done nothing to repair him. I can repair him. He is similar to the man I am repairing. If I can remake him, I can remake this hanyou as well.  
  
"I know you've been there," he remarked, his head leaning up into the sky, a sight I've seen more than once.  
  
However, this time, he noticed him. I gasped at his words.  
  
He actually_ KNEW_ I was here the entire time?!  
  
Then why... why did he let me... see?  
  
_// But all the time  
All the time  
I'll know, I'll know //_  
  
I stepped out of the shadows of the forest, finally caught after all this time. But I guess I had been caught since I had seen him the first time. The question still ringed through my ears as I laid eyes on his form.  
  
"Why didn't you stop me?" I asked, completely confused. He smiled. He is perfect as a hanyou. I hope he never changes.  
  
"Because I had a feeling you kept secrets well," he mused, his eyes beaming with an emotion I haven't seen. It's something absolutely new. Neither love nor hate or sadness or guilt. Nothing but that emotion. And I can't lay a finger on what it is...  
  
_// Baby, I can't help you out,  
While she's still around //_  
  
"I... I'm sorry," was all I could muster. He looked at me still, the emotion hanging in his eyes. I gulped and continued. "I... I know, Inuyasha, about what happened. Everything. I just..."  
  
I stopped right there. He was still staring at me like I had something on my nose or some sort of plague. He opened his mouth and closed it shut. I think he was ready to give some witty retort that reminded me of the Inuyasha that I knew beforehand.  
  
Before all of this shit happened.  
  
_// So for the time being,  
I'm being patient //_  
  
"Inuyasha, I know I'm only human," I whispered once more, now beginning to sit down next to him. There was a good distance between the two of us so it didn't look like "that" type of scene. He was my friend, not my boyfriend.  
  
"I know that," Inuyasha said, looking at me with that emotion in there. I wanted that emotion out now. It somehow didn't suit him at all.  
  
"I know Kagome hurt you, and Kikyo before that," I stated, daring not to meet his eyes. I just muttered two words that strike the red button in his mind that lashes out his anger like no tomorrow.  
  
I kept waiting for a response. And waited. And waited...  
  
... nothing came.  
  
Nothing but the sound of a whisper. "I know that too."  
  
_// And amidst this bitterness  
If you'll just consider this,  
Even if it don't make sense all the time  
Give it time //_  
  
"And I love you, you know," I muttered, blushing quickly as I glanced to the right and saw his confused, blushing face at me as well. God, I am such a moron sometimes. I added at the end of my statement, "Well, as a sister, you know. I'm... taken."  
  
Inuyasha lost his blush and gave a wry smile. "I know that as well. You and him make a great couple."  
  
"An odd one is more like it," I mused this time, looking at his somber face. The emotion lingered still, but it was starting to fade away. Maybe all he needed was some time. Time to think.  
  
Think... and let go.  
  
_// And when the crowd becomes your burden  
And you've early closed your curtains,  
I'll wait by the backstage door //_  
  
I stopped my smile, and let it grow grim. We looked at each other, knowing exactly what we went through. It was a little too much on both sides of the spectrum.  
  
"Though," I began, as I started to reveal my inner darkest fears to this hanyou next to me. I too needed to let go of myself. I looked down at my own reflection, black hair coming over my face as I could clearly see myself and the past. "Though... I just wonder about him... that he will leave and meet someone else... because you know how he is around other women..."  
  
"You are confused," Inuyasha said wisely to me. It was a simple statement that absolutely summed up what I was thinking. He gave an ironic smirk, and then I looked into his eyes as we locked together in that gaze.  
  
He lost that emotion. I think it was... emptiness?  
  
Well, it's gone now. Replace by the faint glow of something new.  
  
... by the Gods, it can't by what I think it is, can it?  
  
But I too know. I know. Because I have the same feeling running through my veins and probably my eyes as well.  
  
There is such a thing as hope after all.  
  
_// While you try to find the lines to speak your mind  
And pry it open, hoping for an encore //_  
  
"Inuyasha," I began, but I couldn't finish it. The emotion was there, the only answer I could give.  
  
Inuyasha understood. He kept that smile on. He has to stay a hanyou. I couldn't see him either which way. "I know," was all he answered.  
  
We both understood we loved each other, the emotion was written on both of our faces. But we wouldn't tell the others. We would live the facade and keep living on with those we are destined with.  
  
But we always had each other, our conversations, and the lake in front of us. That's all that really mattered to me. And to him as well.  
  
_// And if it gets too late, for me to wait  
For you to find you love me, and tell me so //_  
  
He stood up, the facade back on. Mine came on as well. He extended a hand to me and I gratefully took it. We still gazed at each other, not wanting to look back.  
  
"Well," Inuyasha said, slumping his shoulder slightly and letting out a sigh. He looked out into the woods where our nightmare laid ahead of us. Quickly he took my hand into his own, trying to reassure himself and me that everything was going to be right in the end.  
  
"Let's go back," I ended for him, the two of us heading out together into the woods. I thought crossed my mind as I stopped and looked at Inuyasha one more time.  
  
"Do you still want to be a demon?" I asked softly.  
  
He didn't even hesitate. "I am neither, so I will stay in the middle." He smiled, a smile that wasn't given to either Kikyo or Kagome. Just me. "I like the middle road anyways."  
  
I smiled, a smile given only to him and not to Miroku.  
  
He'll never have to utter the words "I love you" to me. It's obsolete and very cliched now.  
  
All we have to do is look at each other and smile.  
  
I think I like that.  
  
_// It's ok  
Don't need to say it //_  
  
"Thanks, Sango," Inuyasha whispered to me as we headed into the woods together, hand in hand. If not lovers or a couple, we were intimate best friends for life. I could live with that. Kikyo and of course Kagome couldn't, but I could.  
  
And I would.  
  
I squeezed his hand tighter and whispered back. "You're welcome, Inuyasha."  
  
All of his shards are gone. And so are my own.  
  
I have no regrets with that, because I know.  
  
I know.


End file.
